Graduation

Graduation! It's almost here. Only 13 more days. The word brings a lot of different feelings with it. On of those feelings is excitement. I'm really excited to finally finish high school and get out into the real world. I have been going to school for two years extra then I should have been because I had stayed back two years, so I'm really happy to finally be out of here and hopefully into a life I love. There is a quote I have seen many times before that says "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life." I am inspired by that quote because I believe it is a very true statement. I go by that quote every day and it helps a lot with helping me plan for my future. And also if I don't like something I have gotten myself into, I can always step away, take a look back, think ahead, then try again. That is my life goal, to find something I love doing, or try again if that doesn't work. Who knows, I may end up being someone who changes my career path multiple times and goes to college more than once to learn about something new. It may happen to all of us, or we may find the thing we love most on our first try. But sometimes the things we love now, may change in five or ten years. We may decide to try something else. We may want to change our career paths a second time. I'm sure it happens multiple times. I'm hoping that what I want to do, I will want to do for the rest of my life. But who knows.
Another feeling that the word graduation brings is a very tiny bit of anxiety. I may not like going to school every day of my life almost, and being stressed to the breaking point with homework and tests, but I've come to know this life very much, and to know my life is going to suddenly change to a more serious matter in only 13 days it a little nerve-racking. To think that your life could change that quickly with just the ending of a school year is very bewildering. I thought school would never end and I would be stuck here for the rest of my life, and now it's ending so quickly. I almost can't believe it. I know pretty much exactly what I want to do afterwards, but it almost seems impossible at the moment. How am I going to get there? Will I even succeed if I do manage to get there? Will I actually be as happy as I think I will when I get there? Do I really want to do this? Sometimes I want to write all these questions down, put them under my pillow and just sleep the rest of the year away and maybe that will help. Yeah I know my logic of that doesn't make sense but to me it's how I feel.
I also feel a little bit of fear about going out into the real world. Will I be able to succeed? Will I have the money to support myself and my cat? What will happen to my family when I'm gone? Will they be okay? Will I be okay? All of these thoughts put fear into me, but sometimes I can't help but think about them. I was perfectly happy with the idea of moving out and going out on my own. Every kid can't wait till they can move out and be on their own, but once you get there, you almost go into shock. I actually made it, now what? You almost don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes it's okay to not know what to do. You have a whole new life ahead of you to decide. And it's never too late to do something until the day you pass on. But that still shouldn't stop you from doing what you want while you are still young. I would rather do everything while I'm still young and fit, and save some of the smaller, everyday things for when I'm older and can't quite do the youthful things anymore. But either way, as long as I'm happy, I will be able to pass away happy.
I think though that my strongest feelings are excitement that it's finally over and I never have to come back again. I may decide to once or twice to say hi to my favorite teachers, but I probably won't come back for any other reason. And I'll be sure to make it quick. It's 12 days left. It feels like forever though. The stress of all this is making me not want to do anything, even when I'm at home I don't really want to do anything but watch t.v. or even just sleep the rest of the day away. Of course I don't do that. I force myself to do something just to keep my mind occupied, but I really don't want to do anything. But knowing that there are only 12 days left makes me feel a bit better. Especially as each number of days left gets smaller and smaller.
Hopefully then I'll be all good to want to do things and be less stressed for the summer. Then I'll be all set to do whatever I set out to do. I can't wait!

Love

In the movie called Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie talks about a couple of topics that he feels are important for others to know and understand. One of those topics is love.

I see love in many different ways. The phrase "My true love" doesn't have to mean that your true love is the person you are dating or married to. I got this from watching a t.v. show, it never really specified exactly in these words, but watching it you get the idea. Your true love is the person to whom your love to is true and you know it will always be so for the rest of your life. It could be your parents, a best friend, your siblings, or whomever. You don't even have to love a person in order to be in love. It could be your pets, mother nature, or it could even be an inanimate object, like a car, or your favorite rock, or something like that. Love comes in many different forms and it doesn't have to be with people. Those are the ways I think of love. At least that's all I can think about at the moment.

The movie Tuesdays with Morrie kind of makes you think differently about a lot of things. I live my life the way I always have, but I think a bit differently at times. Only sometimes, but it's enough for me. I'm now even more excited about the life I have ahead of me.
Movies like this one are ones I normally wouldn't watch because they aren't my kind of movies, but I kinda liked this one. It was sad, but it does make you think about how you might be living your life at that moment and if it's making you happy or not. I know that, even though I'm so stressed out that I don't want to do anything because of school and all that, I do know that once I'm out of school I'm going to be a very happy person. I love the idea of the life that I have planned out ahead for me. It makes me happy to think about and makes me really excited. Even more excited than I was about two weeks ago. And once school ends, I'm going to do everything I can to make it happen.

My Future Career

I have a lot of things I plan on or want to do in the future. This summer after I graduate I plan on staying home and doing all the fun things that my family has been planning. Once it starts to get cold and all those fun things aren't as interesting to think of doing because of the cold, I plan on going into training for the Coast Guard. It gives me an excuse to live by the ocean, hopefully not in a city though. I hate cities. I could live in a small town next to the city where they station me. That would be nice. I have yet to contact a recruiter about the kinds of possibilities that would be available to me. I do plan on doing that very soon though. I'll even do some research about the things I could get. I would like to be in the coast guard full time, but there is a possibility that I would be placed in the reserves and only work a couple weekends a month or so. If that's the case I'll get a second job which will be okay. I'll get one that I like. I want something to do with animals so it will either be a kind of part time job at a vet's office or full time at a pet store. Or both depending on how busy I will be in the future. Also with any job I get, I would like to be on the night shift because I'm so not an early morning person. I have enough trouble getting up at 6 to go to school.
But anyway, if I like what they have me doing in the coast guard, I will decide to stay, but if I don't really like it too much then I'll go to college and get a degree in Wildlife Biology or Zoology. And if the biology thing doesn't work out too well, I would love to become an astronomer and study space and stars and stuff. It's one very interesting topic for me. To think that there has to be extraterrestrials out there among the trillions of stars and even twice as many planets. Thinking about it makes me even more interested and excited that we are getting closer to finding one of those thousands of earths. The possibilities are endless.
I hope everything works out and that I do get into the coast guard. But it they don't have what I'm looking for or don't really need me then I plan on going into the air force. I kind of want to do the navy also, but at times you get stationed out on a boat for at least 6 months at a time a some point and I couldn't do that. Not because I don't like being out on the ocean, I love that idea. The reason I couldn't do that is because of my cat. She gets lazy when I'm away for more than a weekend and I know she really misses me. And even if I'm away for a weekend I start feeling a little lost because I always wake up in the morning with my cat in my room or waking me up herself. When I'm away I feel kinda strange because she isn't there. I always hear a noise that sounds like a cat for a second and then when I realize that it wasn't, I get kind of sad. Some people look at their kids and would be very depressed if something happened to them. For me, my cat is my child, my baby, so whenever I'm away from her I feel sad that she isn't there. I know it sounds weird to some people but it's the way I feel for my cat. I couldn't stand being away from her for that long. I know I will have to in order to do training for whatever branch I choose to go into, but that is the only six months that I ever want to be away from her until it's time for her to go in hopefully 10 years, maybe 15. That would be really nice. But that's the reason I am iffy on the navy because being out six months at a time, and probably once a year or every two would kill me because even though my parents would be looking out for her for me, I just cant help but think that she might start to move away from me because I'm gone so much and so long. It kills me to think about it and I wouldn't be able to stand it. But that's just me. I know there are people out there who feel the same for their pets. I would love to be out at sea. I would love to get a nice, decent sized sail boat and at least once a year for a whole week, just spend the whole week out on the ocean. And because it's my boat, I would bring my cat with me. She doesn't have to go out on the deck, she is an indoor cat anyway and doesn't like to be outside. That would be nice. I would still love to have that house on a cliff over the ocean with a small path leading down to a private beach. That would be an amazing spot to live. I do plan on having the house a couple yards from the cliffs edge so that a storm doesn't throw it off and destroy it. But it would be awesome to watch the storms come in from the sea.
Okay, back to my career. I have looked at, only quickly at the moment, some of the things that the coast guard would have. They have a lot of cool things that I would be interested in. Hopefully when I contact them they would have those opportunities for me to take. Some of them even include doing stuff for the environment. I would join the coast guard to help with people who are stuck on sinking boats and things, but honestly, I'm not the kind of person who wants to help people. I hate people in general, but obviously I know there are some pretty cool people. There are only a few individuals I actually do hate. But humans I find are in general, becoming really....Let's just say they are not very smart, and there are people who go, "Oh let's go save the planet." but those are usually the same people who don't do it themselves and on days like Earth Day, do the complete opposite of what they should do. I just don't get people anymore. I've tried, but have given up. So the only thing I would go into the coast guard for is to help with the environment. They do things like oil spill clean ups, and other things like ice breaking to help with boats going through. That last part would be way more up north, which would be nice one day, but I think I would prefer staying here in New Hampshire. I either want to live in New Hampshire or Maine. If I had to choose somewhere else I think I would choose Maine. Maybe northern Maine. That sounds nice. It makes me happy to think of all the possibilities that are out there for someone like me. Especially if I decide to go to college through the coast guard or whatever branch of the military I decide to join, I have so much more potential then a lot of other people do. And after 20 years of being in the service I could retire. I could be 40 years old and retired if I decided to stay in the service for that long. I might be slightly off, but it's close enough. That's a long time to be able to do whatever after retirement. It's nice to think about. I'm actually excited for the life ahead of me. And recently I broke up with my boyfriend because I wasn't feeling quite ready for a relationship anymore. Who knows, I may never be, but the thought of being able to do anything without having to think about the other person makes me feel so much more free to go out into the world. I feel bad that I hurt his feelings and had to break up with him, but I'm not going to keep it from doing things that make me happy. So I'm going to put on a big happy face and go out into the world and see where it decides to take me.