Graduation

Graduation! It's almost here. Only 13 more days. The word brings a lot of different feelings with it. On of those feelings is excitement. I'm really excited to finally finish high school and get out into the real world. I have been going to school for two years extra then I should have been because I had stayed back two years, so I'm really happy to finally be out of here and hopefully into a life I love. There is a quote I have seen many times before that says "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life." I am inspired by that quote because I believe it is a very true statement. I go by that quote every day and it helps a lot with helping me plan for my future. And also if I don't like something I have gotten myself into, I can always step away, take a look back, think ahead, then try again. That is my life goal, to find something I love doing, or try again if that doesn't work. Who knows, I may end up being someone who changes my career path multiple times and goes to college more than once to learn about something new. It may happen to all of us, or we may find the thing we love most on our first try. But sometimes the things we love now, may change in five or ten years. We may decide to try something else. We may want to change our career paths a second time. I'm sure it happens multiple times. I'm hoping that what I want to do, I will want to do for the rest of my life. But who knows.
Another feeling that the word graduation brings is a very tiny bit of anxiety. I may not like going to school every day of my life almost, and being stressed to the breaking point with homework and tests, but I've come to know this life very much, and to know my life is going to suddenly change to a more serious matter in only 13 days it a little nerve-racking. To think that your life could change that quickly with just the ending of a school year is very bewildering. I thought school would never end and I would be stuck here for the rest of my life, and now it's ending so quickly. I almost can't believe it. I know pretty much exactly what I want to do afterwards, but it almost seems impossible at the moment. How am I going to get there? Will I even succeed if I do manage to get there? Will I actually be as happy as I think I will when I get there? Do I really want to do this? Sometimes I want to write all these questions down, put them under my pillow and just sleep the rest of the year away and maybe that will help. Yeah I know my logic of that doesn't make sense but to me it's how I feel.
I also feel a little bit of fear about going out into the real world. Will I be able to succeed? Will I have the money to support myself and my cat? What will happen to my family when I'm gone? Will they be okay? Will I be okay? All of these thoughts put fear into me, but sometimes I can't help but think about them. I was perfectly happy with the idea of moving out and going out on my own. Every kid can't wait till they can move out and be on their own, but once you get there, you almost go into shock. I actually made it, now what? You almost don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes it's okay to not know what to do. You have a whole new life ahead of you to decide. And it's never too late to do something until the day you pass on. But that still shouldn't stop you from doing what you want while you are still young. I would rather do everything while I'm still young and fit, and save some of the smaller, everyday things for when I'm older and can't quite do the youthful things anymore. But either way, as long as I'm happy, I will be able to pass away happy.
I think though that my strongest feelings are excitement that it's finally over and I never have to come back again. I may decide to once or twice to say hi to my favorite teachers, but I probably won't come back for any other reason. And I'll be sure to make it quick. It's 12 days left. It feels like forever though. The stress of all this is making me not want to do anything, even when I'm at home I don't really want to do anything but watch t.v. or even just sleep the rest of the day away. Of course I don't do that. I force myself to do something just to keep my mind occupied, but I really don't want to do anything. But knowing that there are only 12 days left makes me feel a bit better. Especially as each number of days left gets smaller and smaller.
Hopefully then I'll be all good to want to do things and be less stressed for the summer. Then I'll be all set to do whatever I set out to do. I can't wait!